What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 01.07.2025 03:08
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Can someone write me a sex story?
What did i know ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
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As i do to all so called friends.?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
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She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
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So whats the point in blame.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why are black women the largest unmarried group in the United States of America?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was seconnd youngest,
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Would this be the day?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I write beautiful poetry .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
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Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Comes on , in middle age.
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My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Put me off passion for life!!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
What is the nastiest thing you had your wife do and she loved it?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Ive learnt so much.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But, we were locked up after school.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I will be 64.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I don,t even have a pension.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My life is so biszare .
One cannot live in the past .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I waited trembling.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We were not on the streets..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I said to her
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He knew the spot.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was 9 years of age.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She found it foreign!.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And i lived it daily.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We all went to grammer schools
Who then, do I blame.?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
When she asked me how she looked .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im still living with it.
So, i spoilt her more .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
This is soul school!.
She was in good health!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She loved him until the end.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was very sick at this time too.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I think the readers, may guess!
I have no regrets .
All the time i was locked up.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She wouldn,t have been !
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was scared of men, in general
Why did i forgive my father ?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He resisted the act ,that day.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But it wasn’t much.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
It was going to be , some day.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My family never makes their pension either.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
She married twice! .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.